My blow up doll was getting a bit grubby so I flung it in the washing machine.
Bad move… it shrunk to less than half its original size.
I thought: fuck it, put it on Gumtree, you never know.
Another bad move… I’ve now got a crowd of Muslim men squabbling outside my house.
我的充气娃娃有点儿脏了，于是我把它塞进洗衣机里洗。
不该那么做的…它缩水到不如原来的一半大。
我想：去他妈的，我把它挂在网上卖吧，万一有人买呢。
我也不该这么做的…现在有一大堆穆斯林男人聚在我的门口吵架。
——Leemack
Knowing there would be lots of kissing on new years eve I decided to shave off the mustache,
unfortunately she woke up when I sprayed the shaving foam on her face!
听说新年前夜会有很多人接吻，我决定把胡子刮了，
不幸的是我刚把剃须泡沫喷她脸上，她就醒了！
——Leemack
“I take it you’re from America madam.”
“You condescending arse, just because I’m a little overweight you assume I’m American?”
“No madam, this is Tesco and we don’t sell guns.”
“我猜您是美国人吧，女士。”
“你这个傲慢的贱人，因为我有点胖我就是美国人了？”
“不是的女士，是因为英国超市里不卖枪。”
——KIMJONGTRUMP
2017年你已经使用：
▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ 99%
在河南是如何开采比特币的
朋友
If you have one choice you actually have zero choices.
如果你只有一个选择，那你其实并没有选择。
——TypicalAsianLad
Work is a prison that you can’t afford to leave.
工作是一个你承担不起离开的代价的监狱。
——nightman365
A lot of parenting is trying to figure out how to keep this little kid from being an asshole when they grow up.
大部分的教育只是为了弄清楚怎么不让小孩在长大后变成个混蛋。
——Mustikka220
Instead of kissing at midnight on December 31st, we should do group hugs. The last thing people should feel going into the new year is alone.
代替亲吻，我们应该在12月31号的午夜进行集体拥抱。进入新一年人们最不该拥有的感觉就是孤独。
——g__6
翻译：荒野／编辑：安康／监督：诺北
